Life in Limbo

Set Back

2012-01-28T01:39:00.001+08:00

This holiday season is not very kind to me, to say the least.

Chinese New Year holidays are over, but I still won't be back to work for another week.

Unfortunately, I overestimated my readiness to be with people.

I went clubbing with friends from dance class. It was the weekend before holidays, so naturally, I was freaked out by the crowds. I was ok when I got home that night, but I soon found out that it was an event more stressful than I thought. I cried the two days afterwards. All throughout the holiday, my mood fluctuates a great deal, to the point where I was physically exhausted by it.

Today, a week later, I had my second anxiety attack in dance class.

I was lucky to have classmate and teacher who understands and many of them messaged me afterwards to see how I was doing.

Mr. K is the most patient guy on earth. He told me that I have been doing so well lately, it was like taking a step back after taking two steps forward, so I'm still making progress.

Being with people

2012-01-15T09:55:00.001+08:00

Now that I'm used to being with people. I don't like being left alone, especially on holidays or on days off.
I still found myself spacing out from time to time when I am in a social situation, but it's a lot less frequent and severe than it used to be.
I'm also glad that I revealed my condition of anxiety and social-phobia to some people I trust, so they can look out for me when I start to dwindle down the abyss of despair. And they do, I really appreciate that.
I finally realize that I am not too heinous a person to be with; some people actually find me interesting to talk to.

Back to normal (for the time being)

2012-01-10T22:11:00.002+08:00

"Hallelujah," dance class to be back in session! I know it's a tad blasphemous but I really want to thank somebody. I had my first dance class of 2012 last night and I am pleased to say that I have not become too fat or too stiff for it after Christmas break.
Since this is a tricky part of the year, the little window of work days between the Christmas/Gregorian new year holidays and the Lunar new year holiday, I have very little work this month. I need stuff to do to fill my days so I went to have my nails and eyebrows done yesterday and my hair cut and colored today. Of course I can't do this every day because it takes money. I need to find some activities that will occupy me but not break the bank. Tomorrow is Wednesday, maybe I should go to a museum (the government ones are free on Wednesdays). The only thing is that I have seen most of the interesting ones for homework last month.

That's right, an unrelated picture.

Gelukkig Nieuwjaar

2012-01-01T00:49:00.001+08:00

There are so many things that I am grateful for in the year of 2011.

In no particular order:

My dance class ~ If it wasn't for dance class I wouldn't have lost the weight (almost 20 lbs now) I did. It's the best form of exercise for me yet. To me it is a lot more fun than say, going to the gym, not least because of the people I met there.
My new friends ~ The reason why I enjoyed dance class so tremendously is of course because of my wonderful dance teacher and classmates. Without them, I wouldn't have the sticktoittiveness to, well, stick to it. They made dance class fun.
My old friends ~ Because of dancing and losing weight, I felt better about myself. And because I felt better about myself, I was able to come out of my social-phobic shell and meet with friends I haven't seen for a long time, and consequently discover what wonderful people they are.
My family ~ They've always been here for me, year after year.
My illnesses ~ This year I suffered my first panic and anxiety attack in a long time, as well as my first major Lupus flare up. I consider these blessings in disguise, because, without them, I wouldn't know who is actually there for me most.
My Mr. K ~ Without my Lupus flare up, I wouldn't know that my beloved little Mr. K is also a sufferer; without my panic/anxiety attack, I wouldn't know the guy is there for me when it counts.

I hope every one of you has a wonderful, healthy, fun-filled, successful, all around awesome 2012.

Gelukkig Nieuwjaar.

Paige is gone

2011-12-17T02:00:00.003+08:00

Today is the last day of my reduced dosage, and for the first time in a long time, I can say that "Paige is gone." I know she'll come back and visit in the future, but for now, I'm feeling ok.

Although I can't say I'm feeling a lot better than I have felt in a long time. I have been taking Vitamin B tablets for my anxiety per my therapist's suggestion, but they don't seem to do any good except turn my pee highlighter yellow. I haven't experience any dramatic difference in my mood.

And now a boring and possibly annoying-relatives-filled winter break is just round the corner, I don't know what to feel. That's the stuff anxiety is made of.

I am doing the one thing that I know that can possibly pick me up (dance class is on hiatus for three weeks): watch some Cesar on YouTube.

Stand by your crap

2011-12-11T23:23:00.001+08:00

Today, my assignment turned into a piece of essay-shaped crap.
I am disappointed in myself for turning in sub par work. I briefly considered withdrawing instead of handing in an assignment I am not proud of, but I figured that I have to pay for the course and will get an incomplete, or even a fail, in it anyways. If I do hand in some wort of work I might get a low pass.
It is not done yet, there's another assignment coming up. I will be working on that all throughout winter break.
Lucky I am not a big Christmas person.

Incredibly stressed

2011-12-06T22:56:00.001+08:00

Everyone has a different tolerance for stress, just like everyone has a different threshold for pain. My stress threshold is quite low, apparently. Nonetheless, I'm learning not to be ashamed of it.
I met with my psychotherapist yesterday and after hearing what I told him about my panic attack, he said, "well, it sounds like you suffered a double whammy."
"What the fuck do you mean?"
"I mean you had a panic attack and an anxiety attack at the same time."
It was not surprising, considering at that time I was experiencing tremendous stress, health-wise, socially, and academically. Not to mention meeting a whole bunch of new people. I attended an alumni dinner for my grad school (from the U.S.) just days before my panic-anxiety attack. I thought I did pretty well and I was actually proud of myself for not freaking out in a situation like that. I guess unconsciously it took its toll.
I am appreciative for those snotty brats I teach, however, because work is the most stress-free place of late.
I hope my family and friends would understand if I delay my holiday shopping for them for just a little.

Dosage has been reduced

2011-12-04T21:29:00.001+08:00

I'm happy to report that the doctor has cut my dosage 50% because I'm progressing well. Except for some tightness in the morning, I don't feel much of Paige's presence at all.
I have also decided to start a self-imposed Facebook exile, at least for a few hours everyday. Ever since I got a smart phone I have been rather obsessed with checking it every 10 minutes or so. This is clearly unhealthy. I supposed I feel disconnected a lot of times and have the burning desire to get in touch with others. On the other hand, however, I am basically insanely jealous of other's "achievements" shown on Facebook. I think my need for drama overpowered my concern for my own well being, that's why I have all those nervous break-downs and crying bouts. No, I did not fake those, sometimes I am in real physical pain. What I am saying is that I might be able to reduce their frequency if I can remind myself to be calm and not go after any unnecessary provocation of my psyche.
Ok, this will deter me:

Another doctor's appointment tomorrow

2011-12-01T23:24:00.001+08:00

Me: Lately I've been really tired and stressed, but I'm also afraid that I might seem lazy to people when I take a nap.
Dance Friend N: Hey, you don't owe anybody any explanation on how to live your life, ok?

I've been so freaking stressed that I have been having this big old canker sore under my tongue for days. It's worse when it's on your tongue because it scrapes against your teeth every time you move your tongue so it hurts every time you eat and talk, and I have to talk a lot at work. Luckily, it seems to be subsiding tonight. I did change the ointment I use on it so maybe that's what's done the trick.
I'm prone to having mouth ulcers since I was young, but I've also read that it can be a sign of Lupus, or a side-effect from the medication I take for my joints. So either way it's a no-win situation.
I'm seeing my doctor again tomorrow. My dad is having a temperature and wants to go with me. I better remember to wear a face mask. I don't think I have the strength to fight things off if I get infected.

Exhaustion

2011-11-29T17:34:00.001+08:00

Sometimes people just don't understand your exhaustion when you have an illness like Lupus. I just want to lie there and stop any movement. Even bringing food up to my mouth is too tiring. Although it is nothing new for me since I had the same condition when I was depressed. And that is also why my first thought after learning I have Lupus was that my depression is going to come back. Well, I know it has never left, I mean it's going to be apparent again.
I don't know how much longer I can take this fatigue. I just hope I don't break down in public yet again.

On the floor

2011-11-19T13:03:00.001+08:00

I am supposed to be doing homework all day today. Just now, I found that I lost the energy to even sit on a chair, so I went on the floor and sat there for a few minutes, and then proceeded to lie down in a fetal position.
It's my depression's way of saying, "have you forgotten about me? I'll be with you for the rest of your life too, you know." I know you're there, you don't need to grip at my throat and try to strangle me. By the way, I know enough not to struggle against a tightening grip, it'll just make it tighter. I'll wait, as calmly as I can, to let it pass.

Panic Attack

2011-11-19T01:46:00.001+08:00

For no reason at all (ok there is a reason), I had a fucking panic attack towards the end of my dance class today. I haven't had those in years, almost forgot what one feels like.
I figure I am pretty darned stressed out these two weeks, what with my illness and schoolwork and all.
Tonight was contemporary class. I must have been too into it for my own good.
The first person to learn this outside of the class, of course, is my Mr. K. I installed the MSN app on my phone and I knew he would have been online since I just talked to him at home before I went to dance class. He said something which I won't repeat here and that instantly made me smile and felt better.
And that's another reason I can't leave him.

Good days and bad days

2011-11-17T22:56:00.001+08:00

I guess if you ask anybody with a chronic illness they'd tell you the same thing: there are good days and bad days. I'm getting used to telling people how I am in a particular day, even in a particular moment, because I know my condition can change suddenly.
I've been quite good this week, but, unfortunately, Paige set up shop and never left. That means I am living with joint pain every minute of every day. Sometimes it is debilitatingly severe, sometimes it is just a little tightness to remind me of its presence. Usually, I feel a lot better after dance class, go figure. On the other hand (ha!), I was trying to do my assignment this morning and I found that I could not type more than two or three paragraphs before having to take a break. My poor finger just couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes I even dread going to bed, because I know how terrible the pain in the morning will be.
And yet I remain optimistic. So I have a chronic illness and I'm in the middle of a flare; it won't be forever and honestly, a lot of people have it harder than I do. I read a lot of encouraging stories online about people living with illnesses like this and they are not giving up.
And, if I were a religious person, I'd have said, "god has made this arrangement especially for me," because, guess what? Mr. K also has SLE. Yeah, I can't believe it either, but it's true. It is rare for a Caucasian male to get it but for some reason he does. He does not think anything of it but just shrugged and said, "lucky me." Not only is Mr. K not giving up on me when I was depressed and crazy, I now know that he knows what I go through when I have an SLE flare.
Ok, I'll say it, Glory be to the Lord.

Easy on the eyes

2011-11-15T13:38:00.001+08:00

Have you ever noticed that the people you know are not that bad-looking? Sometimes I see someone I don't know on the street and I'd think, that person sure can use a make-over. And then there are times when I would look at someone I know carefully and found that they might have some kind of mole in an odd place, or really bad skin, or thinning hair, but I would not notice that on an everyday basis. I guess what i'm trying to say is, once I got to know someone, I see them as a person and the flaws on their appearance become unimportant.
Or, it could be, being a nice, kind-hearted person makes you attractive. You're all good folks, beautiful people.

Paige and me

2011-11-11T22:09:00.001+08:00

I've been back to see the doctor. I do have SLE, or Lupus. He gave me new meds and so far they've been working, but it's always better in the evenings, on the first day of taking a new type of medicine, and on Fridays, for some reasons.
Understandably, I did pretty crappily in dance class. I couldn't believe that it was even worse than the time when I allegedly had the swine flu.
I found that sometimes I become disoriented, and I was scared, but I know that I was just obsessed with the discomfort and wasn't paying attention to what was around me.
People at the dance studio were always nice to me, though, and I remember to thank them for their kindness.
What is creepy is that I have sort of bonded with the pain. I call her Paige. She's the first thing that greets me in the morning. Sometimes I'd say, "Paige, you annoying little turd." And Paige would say, "Would you rather I move to your knee?" Then I'd say, "No, no, i'm good! Forget what I said."
Yes, it's Remembrance Day (or Veterans Day) today, I didn't forget. Unfortunately I could not find any poppies this year. I bet they still have that box in Prince's Building, I just didn't have time to go there and look.

Update on blood test result

2011-11-05T19:30:00.001+08:00

I got my blood test result back from my doctor. It turns out that I don't have gout. Which means it could be something worse, but I can't conclude that until I meet with my doctor again. The most likely scenario is Lupus, or SLE, since I have a test ten years ago and revealed that I have the antibodies. Naturally I am worried but what I am really scared of is that this might trigger my depression all over again. I just got better and really don't want to go back to that place anymore.
Right now I'm tired. It could just be that I had had a 9-hour long lecture today.

Update on the update

2011-11-04T22:38:00.001+08:00

I had the blood test this morning, but the result will be in tomorrow. I guess I'll give you an update on that when I have it. I don't know if it's because I have slimmed down, hence rendering the blood vessels easier to find, or if it's because the one who took my blood today was the doctor and not the nurses, it was done a lot quicker than usual. He also gave me some different medication for the following week. The good thing is that my finger is feeling better. Although I still have some tenderness left on the joints, it was a lot better than before.
I got a chance to talk to the person I thought I might have offended. Luckily, she was the most generous and said that she didn't think what I said was offensive at all and we are back to normal. I felt instantly lighter. Handling social situations like this is challenging to me but I hope I am improving on it.
I have a nine-hour long lecture to attend tomorrow. Yeah, I am looking forward to that, not!

Update on the pain

2011-11-04T09:52:00.001+08:00

I'm on my way to the doctor's for a blood test. I'm apprehensive about what it might reveal.
Plus, I said something to somebody that might be insensitive. I don't know how that person feels about it but I decide to offer my apology to her the next time I see her. It could be nothing but it's bothering me so I guess I need to take care of that. Accumulating emotional debt was what I did in high school and I definitely don't want to go back there anymore. That was the start of my depression. I can't stand not knowing if people dislike me. I'd rather have it out in the open and get it over with.
Strangely, feeling down has a familiar taste to it.

In pain

2011-11-02T12:59:00.001+08:00

My right index finger still hurts. It's terrible in the morning and I simply cannot straighten it. I've been to my family "western" doctor, and he said that since I hadn't injured it, it could be gout, lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. At this point I'm really hoping it's *just* gout, because the other possibilities are too horrific. Besides, my father had gout and he knows what i'm going through. At least if I had any question I can ask him.
It does make me sad that I may not be able to drink another beer again.
Being in physical pain is hard on the old noggin, too. Several times today I felt like crying. It felt like I was back in that miserable blackhole once more. But at least this time I know why it's hurting.

Dog Pigtails

2011-10-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

Similar to this.
Sometimes I wish I had a dog, and yet sometimes I do not.

2011-10-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hand... hurts...

Yes, I've just been to the bonesetter's.

Goose Egg

2011-10-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

Basically, I can't believe I could get a big ol' goose egg on my ARM!

It can only come from last night's contemporary dance class. This picture does not do it justice! Plus, I keep forgetting about it and leaning on my chair's arm rest! AHH!

Huntington Library

2011-10-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

I must apologize for waiting so long to post my last installment of my trip to the US this year, but here it is. I went to the Huntington Library on my last day there. (Literally, I flew out that night.)

It won't be a library without books, but they aren't the only things there.

A large part of it is actually art galleries.

The famous "Blue Boy" by Thomas Gainsborough:

There are also gorgeous gardens on the grounds but unfortunately I didn't have enough time to spend there. I blame it on them because they only open from 12 to 4:30 on weekdays.

Balanced

2011-10-09T00:24:00.001+08:00

I was chatting with Mr. K about how I am feeling much better about myself these days.
Me: Thank you for not quitting my ass when I used to go on and on when I was crazy.
Him: You think you can get rid of me?
It might sound cliche, but when somebody says they won't give up on you then I guess you cannot let them down.

Nothing nice to say

2011-10-02T21:21:00.000+08:00

I had my first exposure to contemporary dance today. The impression I got is: this is difficult both in technique and concept. That was my teacher's performance and I attended with a couple of dance classmates. I kept telling myself I have to latch on to at least one thing I kind of like so that I can talk about it if I were asked after the show. Two-third of the way in the show, I gave up. I could make no sense of it. I decided to just keep silent if the topic came up.
I didn't not notice that the performance had ended before I heard other audience members clapping. The house lights came up and I knew that the performance could see us, so I put on my best "patron of the arts" face and applauded.
Luckily, when our teacher came out to meet us after the show she didn't ask us anything specific so I could get away with only telling her the show was enjoyable.

Carpe Diem

2011-09-24T00:30:00.000+08:00

No, this post is not going to be some philosophical exploration on how you should "seize the day;" it is about a new book I got and how I can't put it down.
I just downloaded Carpe Diem: How to Become a Latin Lover by Harry Mount. I simply cannot put it down. It brings back terrific memories of learning Latin, but then my Latin-learning memories are more pleasant than a lot of people's - I wasn't forced into it and it didn't count towards my grade: I chose to learn it in grad school by auditing the class. Besides, doing declensions in my head makes me happy by inducing a sense of "holier-than-thou-ness." The books makes me what to read it out loud. Unfortunately I couldn't do this in public and had to resort to mouthing the words silently. This already caused way too many people giving me strange stares on the train.

2011-09-15T23:11:00.002+08:00

One of my new dance friends asked about Mr. K and I told her that he lives far away and I only get to see him once every few years. She gave me a look that I at once interpreted as "judgy" but I tried to tell myself that she was just amazed and surprised.

Dog Braid

2011-09-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

This is exactly what I'll do if I had a dog with fur like this:

Source: imgfave.com via Corinne on Pinterest

San Diego Zoo

2011-09-13T23:18:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since I've posted pictures from my trip to the U.S., I know, but here are some from the World Famous San Diego Zoo! Can you believe it's been my first time there?

These are only some of the animals:

Peacock:

Cheetah (Cheetahs are raised with dogs to train them to become zoo ambassadors.):

Elephants:

Donkey:

Koalas:

Camel:

Secretary Bird:

Giraffe:

Rhino (This one is happy to see me.):

Meerkats:

Riding in the bus:

Remember

2011-09-11T11:54:00.000+08:00

If we don't live our lives normally, the terrorists win.

Trying my patience

2011-08-28T23:37:00.004+08:00

Every evening, when I turn on my home computer, I have such hope. And then, at the end of the night, I am inevitably frustrated and let down.

It's getting harder to stay "calm assertive," as it is.

Update: I take that back, I just found out I can be calm assertive again.

Lunch at a pub

2011-08-26T12:54:00.001+08:00

I'm having fish and chips plus a beer at a pub, alone, like I nearly always am. I discover an interesting phenomenon: a lot of diners here are men. The female customers come with male patrons. Why is that?

"Pack Leader Mentality" has paid off

2011-08-22T01:12:00.003+08:00

I attended a performance of the Swan Lake by the Hong Kong Ballet at the Cultural Centre in Tsim Sha Tsui. It was interesting in itself but what happened next was even more unusual. I got an absolutely random dude on the street asking me for my number . That hasn't happened to me since, well, ever. I was alone, as I often am when I go to see these shows. I was walking from the venue to the nearby pier to catch a ferry back across the harbour, so I knew that would stop him from following me. I thanked him as I went into the pier area and said I was very flattered by his request, but I wasn't really looking to be friends. I was happy about the way I handled this.

I don't know what it was, but maybe I was looking especially enticing tonight. I also think that it was because I was unconsciously walking with my chin up and shoulders down, like a proper pack leader should.

Learning about life from Cesar Millan

2011-08-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

After watching several “Dog Whisperer” episodes in a roll, I started doing this mental exercise with myself. Every time I feel panicked, uncertain, scared, angry or flustered, I ask myself, “Is this ‘pack leader behavior’?” If not, don’t do it.

I thrive to become “calm assertive.” It also helps to imagine a pack of well-behaved, “calm submissive” dogs following me down the street. It forces me to walk with my chin up and shoulders down, in a relaxed but alert posture.

I cannot disappoint my pack.

I'm fine

2011-08-10T12:44:00.004+08:00

I know it's been quite a while since my last post. I'm fine everyone who reads this! And no, I am not busy, just lazy. I'm in the middle of my summer vacation. I don't even know if I should call it "summer vacation" as I'm not in school full time and although I teach at a regular school part-time, I don't even know what my job situation will be next year.

Anyways, the weather's been terrible here. First, last week it was so unbearably hot that I sweat like a can of coke out of a fridge whenever I walk outside of air conditioning. Now, it's an awful rainstorm that wrecks my plan for the afternoon.

That's the Hong Kong summer for you, a lose-lose situation.

And here's something I haven't posted before and has nothing to do with today's rambling, enjoy!

(Drawings by children taken at the Coastal Defence Museum. I guess the theme was Hong Kong.)

Mission Valley of San Diego

2011-08-01T14:43:00.002+08:00

The Gaslamp Quarter of San Diego

2011-07-26T23:54:00.003+08:00

Drinking alone again

2011-07-20T17:42:00.001+08:00

Note that I didn't say "binging" alone.
I'm pms-ing, and I'm irritable and feeling lonely. When I get like this, I tell myself that he will he alone too. I'm not being mean, I'm just glad that he isn't with another girl.
Ok, I don't really know that, but don't tell me otherwise.

About San Diego 1

2011-07-17T18:26:00.006+08:00

Miscellaneous things from San Diego:

Making pizza at my sister's boyfriends' house:

University Towne Center, or UTC:

Yes, the dolphin is fake.

Breakfast at Denny's:

Grits!

Bacon!

Downtown San Diego:

The William Heath Davis House. I didn't know it existed before and I lived in San Diego for two years.

Bum the town dog:

More to come!

A random picture that's been in my phone for a while

2011-07-11T10:20:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I take pictures of ridiculous things on the street with my phone, with the intention of uploading them later but totally forgot. Here's one.

Sheer force

2011-07-06T12:59:00.001+08:00

I styled my hair with such force that a metal bobby pin snapped and said, "I quit this bitch!"
By the way, I just realized that when I typed the word "bitch," HTC autocorrected it to "birch."

Newest want

2011-07-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

You know I want this:

(http://www.shopnastygal.com/products/new/clothing/accessories/Spiked-Headband.html)

and this (I wish this weren't so big):

(http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/jewelry/e73d/?cpg=cj&ref=&CJURL=)

just like I want this, this, this and this!

More Art Institute of Chicago

2011-06-26T23:03:00.006+08:00

Some more pictures from the gorgeous (and enormous) Art Institute of Chicago:

It's a sanctuary, but some people find it more relaxing than others:

Something else from Chicago

2011-06-22T18:25:00.003+08:00

I know it's been a while since I last posted things from my U.S. Trip. I've been busy with school.

But here we are again. These are some miscellaneous things I noticed from Chicago.

Berghoff, the first establishment in town to get a liquor licence after Prohibition:

Macy's:

Self-service water bottling machine near the elevator in the hotel:

A shelf full of reference book in my hotel room... I wonder why they didn't have a Chicago Manual of Style?

Just sharing some randomness

2011-06-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

Seen at the MTR, Causeway Bay station, Times Square exit.

Pixar Activity

2011-06-04T22:56:00.003+08:00

Remember the Pixar exhibition at the Heritage Museum? Well I went that day for their tour and activity. My teammates and I had to use these "shots" to come up with a story for the storyboard.

More Field Museum

2011-06-04T22:06:00.005+08:00

The Grand Entrance:

The world's most complete T-Rex skeleton:

Dinosaur and statue with jerseys:

The Pawnee Earth Lodge ~ the docent in there was very helpful:

I saw someone talking on his phone on the ledge when I looked out from where I sat at the cafe during lunch:

The view from one end of the hall on the second floor:

Another nice place ~ the Maori Meeting House:

A lot of people didn't go in because you had to take off your shoes. When I saw the sign about it I was thinking: I was dying to take my shoes off after such a long day here! So I took off my shoes and went in and sat down for a bit. It was very nice and quiet.

The other side of the long hall, overlooking the box office:

A lot of sparkling stones:

Magnificent Mile

2011-06-03T21:48:00.005+08:00

What I don't understand is: Chicago and Hong Kong both have skyscrapers everywhere, why is their city so pretty and ours isn't?

VIIVXXII

2011-06-03T19:59:00.001+08:00

Woody + Buzz

2011-05-29T12:32:00.001+08:00

Pixar @ the Hong Kong Heritage Museum. As to why this is part of Hong Kong's heritage, I don't know.

Santa Monica Pier

2011-05-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I haven't been here before when I used to live in Malibu.

Other things seen in the Getty Villa

2011-05-22T21:10:00.004+08:00

An architecture tour:

I like this foldable tripod:

How's everyone on the day of the "Rapture"?

2011-05-21T18:08:00.001+08:00

I spend most of the day reading as I'm still obsessed with my Kindle. My Kindle (with special offers) shows ads when hibernating, and the ads change every other day or so. One of the new ads shows a mixed-race couple reading under a tree. I was pleasantly surprised, but then I thought maybe I shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. My surprise precisely reflects the percieved uncommonality of this, which shouldn't be.

My sentiment exactly

2011-05-19T15:23:00.001+08:00

Men of the Getty Villa

2011-05-14T12:16:00.004+08:00

Women of the Getty Villa

2011-05-14T11:59:00.003+08:00

The Kindle

2011-05-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

I've been having fun with the Kindle, which my sister gave me for my birthday. I have already finished three books on it!

This is my ghetto attempt at a Kindle cover. I have already ordered one for me and one for my mom, but of course they have yet to arrive.

Back!

2011-05-11T20:59:00.001+08:00

I'm back from my trip to the US. But of course at this moment I'm tired from jetlag and need to sleep. I'll write more and post pictures soon, nighty night for now.

The Art Institute of Chicago

2011-05-02T09:41:00.005+08:00

I went to the Art Institute of Chicago today, and stayed till they closed.
There are so much to see there, I wish I had more time.
Although, the subjects matter of some of the art works (mostly painting) made me think "... the hell?"

By the way, I'm really liking this hotel (The Central Loop Hotel). I have greasy hair and am wearing dirty clothes while walking down the hall to the elevator to the businness center on the 3rd floor (my own room is on the 5th) carrying a folder (I have to print out my boarding pass), my room smells like ramen noodles. It's just like college!

Greetings from Chicago

2011-05-01T08:41:00.008+08:00

Hello my friends, I'm in Chicago. The hotel has a business center and I'm blogging from there. Although it provides free wifi in the rooms, I am not shelling out $2.75 for a blogger's app on my iPod Touch (I didn't have my laptop with me). Why is the Blogger app on Android phones free but it cost money to have it on an iPod Touch?
Anyways, I just want to update you about my journey so far. I've been to Los Angeles (where I landed), San Diego (where I spent and will spend most of my time), and then now in Chicago (for the weekend). I am enjoying this so far except at moments when I feel a bit down while traveling. That always seems to happen. The other thing that always seems to happen is someone is going to ask me directions. I believe I look like the locals anywhere I go.
I've been enjoying my stay here in Chi-town. My hotel is nice and cozy, Chicago is a nice walking city, public transport is easy to figure out, and the Field Museum is massive!

I just received an email about how my reading materials are ready for the next module. Unlike last year, going home after the holiday doesn't bother me as much anymore; I've got something to look forward to.
As for driving, it was less stressful as I had imagined before I came, although if given a choice I still prefer to live in a place where it is not a necessity.
And what's up about these wall-to-wall coverage of the wedding of the British prince? I don't think the founding fathers of America fought the War of Independence for this!?
Last but not least of my ramblings, Happy Queen's Day to all my Dutch readers (I know it's over already)! I wish to see the festivities for myself in the future. And there was an app for it for both IOS and Android! You know, ever since I got a smartphone, I have begun to ask "is there an app for that" for nearly everything. The answer is, yes, for almost everything under the sun, there is an app for it.

In the US again

2011-04-22T03:23:00.004+08:00

I tried to publish a post when I was waiting for my flight at the Hong Kong International Airport Wednesday night, but somehow it didn't go through.

Anyway, here I am. After a long flight I was in America. For the first two days I'll be staying at my aunt's place near in the greater L.A. area. At the weekend I'll go back to San Diego with my sister, where she lives. Next Friday I'll go visit Chicago.

I hope to blog as frequently as I can during my travel.

This is my first morning here and I feel good. I was apprehensive about driving again but I drove to the Target store to purchase a to-go mobile phone and everything seemed to work fine. I keep telling myself, "last time you were back (in 2009) you were away for four years; this time, only two."

For now, take care and have a great Easter weekend, no matter what your religion.

I just ate an orange

2011-04-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

That's right, I just ate an orange, and I feel like telling the whole world.

The truth is, I hardly ever eat fruit. I know it's good for me but I figured I eat enough vegetable and that should be enough fiber for me.

I now realize that eating right and exercising make me feel good.

Anyways, here are some pictures of good-looking food I have had in the past that I haven't posted before.

Lomo Wall @ Causeway Bay

2011-04-13T13:51:00.001+08:00

Can't Wait

2011-04-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

Womanly Trouble

2011-04-08T00:37:00.005+08:00

My menstrual cramps have been worsening in recent months (although I might have mistaken a bout of possible swine flu as menstrual cramp lately). I had a bad case of it just now. Sitting in front of the computer, I desperately searched the web for relief remedies. At first, I ran for my hot-water-bottle. It made my tummy feel better but I was sweating everywhere else on my body. I made myself a cup of ginger tea but it was still helping little.

I remembered seeing menstrual pain relief exercises before so I looked it up on YouTube. I found tips from yogis as well as a Howcast.com video about cramps-relieving acupressure. I tried both. I didn't know which one it was but they worked! I'm now feeling much better. I hope that helps if any of you ladies out there are suffering from the same thing.

The "Yoga and the Modern Girl" video:

Howcast's acupressure video:

Keep Dancing

2011-04-05T22:36:00.005+08:00

Life has to go on after tragedies. It's great to see that people keep dancing.

Mostly I covet their clothes.

Sweet anticipation

2011-04-05T17:32:00.002+08:00

Every year, right around this time, I get excited and get into a holiday mood.
I was reminded of this when I saw this in the Hong Kong Museum if History newsletter.

This particular exhibition is shown at the Hong Kong International Airport.

Birthday

2011-04-04T21:33:00.003+08:00

It's my birthday today and it falls on the rare occasion when I have to work.

I didn't go out to celebrate. I'm still recovering from pneumonia and isn't 100% yet.

Luckily, I've finished all my homework for class and am in holiday mood already. I'm going to the US for vacation and to see friends and relatives later in the month.

I entertained myself by reading my blog posts from a year ago. I urge you to do the same: http://never-anywhere.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon et al. sing "Friday"

2011-04-03T12:00:00.002+08:00

Best "Friday" rendition ever!

First Post from New Phone

2011-04-02T01:09:00.001+08:00

Nothing, just testing the app.

Have a good day, everyone!

Charity Concerts

2011-04-01T20:33:00.002+08:00

You know what I don't get? Charity concerts! There's one going on for the disaster relief for Japan. I donate money because those people need help and not because some stupid pop star sings a song, ok?

May all the bad news you hear today be merely April Fool's jokes

2011-04-01T12:50:00.003+08:00

Gmail Motion?

Come on, Google, you can do better than that! No one will fall for your antics anymore unless they forgot it's 1st April.

Happy April Fool's Day!

A shout out to my Japanese readers (I know there are a few!)

2011-03-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

Thanks for reading my blog. Take care, my thoughts are with you.

Born This Way

2011-03-22T23:22:00.005+08:00

I have resisted for a long while to look for the lyrics to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." I thought I could enjoy the catchy tune more if I don't know exactly what she was singing about. I knew from the hype that she especially made this song for LGBT youths and that you can sing Express Yourself to its chorus. Despite that I still thought that it was a song with a positive message and a dancey beat.

Finally, I took up the courage to look up the lyrics. I was disappointed, mainly because it is much less tolerating than I first thought. Consider this:

No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave

Sounds pretty good, eh? But then in the chorus, it keeps repeating this:

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

I should have known it when I heard this in the beginning:

It doesn't matter if you life him

Or capital H-I-M

It sounds like a song you'll sing in a church gathering. Well, a church that accepts homosexual people, that is. I can't shake that feeling that it is discriminating against me, an agnostic, as well as atheists. It keeps assuming there's a god.

By the way, I'm of this religious view because, you guessed it, I was born this way.

Fashion Epiphany

2011-03-13T09:56:00.006+08:00

Am I really that untrendy?

I just realized that most people's pants don't cover half of their shoes when they stand up anymore. I'm still wearing "boot cut" (read "baby bell-bottoms") jeans that when I stand up and look down on my own feet, I can only see the tips of my toes. I saw that on the streets everyone else, man, women, young and old, has on jeans or pants that taper at the ankles, and you can see their whole shoes. Many have high-top shoes or boots to go over the legs of their trousers to accentuate the effect.

I must look weird. I know what you're thinking, "and that is different from usual, how?"

Something to tide you over while I'm busy writing my papers

2011-03-12T00:02:00.004+08:00

New shoes I got a week ago which I wear forthe first time today:

Extra set of laces:

Key to a new life

2011-03-08T18:42:00.004+08:00

In the days when I'm busy doing homework assignments, I have to keep reminding myself that studying is the key to get out of the life I have now. Given it is not a terrible existence. Far from it. This job afforded me money and time to go away for holidays every year. However, this job is lacking. It does not challenge me and it does not satisfy me. It is simply not my calling.

I am lucky to be accepted into the Museum Studies program that I am in now. It is what I would like to do with my life. I love the theatre and I love history. Working at a (history) museum is the perfect combination of both of my passions. This is what I call history theatricized.

Whenever I want to give up on homework, I remind myself of these.

Yep

2011-03-04T22:12:00.006+08:00

I finished the second module in my Museum Studies course. Now I really need to concentrate on getting the homework done.

The course modules are intensive, as the professors are flown to Hong Kong from Sydney and the university only pays them to stay for a week or so. We have an eight-hour lecture on two consecutive Saturdays, and four weeknights in between with 3-hour lectures each.

As of customary, all of us students went to lunch together and treated our professor on the last Saturday. When I took out my wallet to pay, I inadvertently flashed my fellow students with a picture of me and Mr. K. Someone near me let out an "aw" and of course, I had not choice but to say, "yes, that's my boyfriend."

Luckily, my classmates were polite and didn't ask many questions about him. When I told them Mr. K lives in Holland one of them said, "you should do your internship there!"

At that point I thought, these people are non-gossipy, and are serious about museums.

The best thing was when I told Mr. K about this, he asked if they liked him.

As I have written before, this is not what I have envisioned for myself when I was young. I supposed no one would have thought of or aspire to an unconventional relationship like the one I have with Mr. K. But this will do. I can't even think of myself being with any other man.

Keep or dispose of?

2011-03-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

What about these Converse? They were the ones I wore when I fell off the ramp skateboarding. See the tear on the left shoe? Besides that, the glue on the soles is yellowing. They have sentimental values but I'm not sure I should keep them. What do you think?

Facebook and single women

2011-02-28T00:48:00.004+08:00

I was reading this article on Salon.com, "How Facebook can affirm a woman's singlehood." I couldn't agree more about the married friends things. I get sad every time one of my classmates stated on her status (it's always a "her") that she is getting married, that she's pregnant, or "look how cute my kid just did this!".

I've written about how a show like "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" frustrates me and the schedenfreude I feel when they broke up. I often feel that I wasn't given the options; at least the women in the Salon story chose their careers over starting families. I wasn't even successful in my "career."

I reminded myself that being a loser is freeing. I don't have that high to fall. Like they say, you've got to make lemonade.

Cheapo Shopping

2011-02-13T11:55:00.003+08:00

Just thinking that I might get a chance to shop for cheap graphic tees at Target, Old Navy or Walmart in couple of months made me happy. It's nice to be easily satisfied.

Everything

2011-02-12T23:58:00.009+08:00

I went to a lecture at a museum by myself today. I do that occasionally when I have time and when the topic interests me. Like the time I get to ride Space Mountain as as single rider, I am always grateful for the freedom to do it.

This feeling was amplified because I printed out an article called "Gay Marriage with Chinese Characteristics" from Slate to read. In it the gay men and women in Shanghai who were searching for a partner for a socially-accepted "hetero" marriage all said they did so only to please their parents, and in some cases, to provide an heir. This, of course, plagues young Chinese people gay and straight alike. Once again, I am grateful that my parents never pressured me to get married or have children.

Like I said, my being single is not entirely my choice, but my parents never made me feel bad about it, unless you count this (you can't imagine the schandenfreude I felt when those two divorced) . They never arrange dates for me like my friend's mother did. Maybe they're uneasy talking to me about this topic, but I actually prefer it this way.

Anyways, I have my Mr. K.

I have never imagined at this stage of my life I'd be in a situation like this. I can't believe I am that devoted to him, although he's far away. I only know he's the only person who can calm me down and make me not crazy. He's the one I think of when I execute sexy moves in my dance classes. Before him, I probably would have thought I looked awkward and ridiculous, but now, I know there's at least one man in this world who thinks I'm sexy, and sensual movements come naturally. I really appreciate that.

Single Rider

2011-02-08T22:08:00.004+08:00

I don't even have a goldfish I need to keep alive, as I always say to people who envy me for traveling abroad by myself.

Yesterday I was reminded of that as I walked towards my cousin's wife and her daughter, who were waiting in line to go on the Dumbo ride in Disneyland, after I went on the Space Mountain roller coaster by going through the "single rider" line.

Did I mention that they started lining up way before I went on Space Mountain?

I don't know if I can say I'm single by choice; I was never presented with the option. I only know that when life gives you lemon you've got to make lemonade.

Chinese New Year Decorations, IFC and the Landmark

2011-02-05T19:58:00.004+08:00

Mall Decorations for the Year of the Rabbit:

IFC:

The Landmark:

Chinese New Year Decorations, Festival Walk

2011-02-01T21:55:00.002+08:00

Almost Chinese New Year

2011-01-30T20:05:00.004+08:00

And that means only one thing: new clothes and shoes (I know, again!)

Who booked this gig?

2011-01-30T20:01:00.002+08:00

I still don't know what it's about, but I hope they're paid enough for this.

Miffys at Whampoa Garden

2011-01-30T00:40:00.002+08:00

It's going to be the Year of the Rabbit, y'all!

Directions

2011-01-19T22:54:00.004+08:00

Wherever I go, I got asked directions. I've been asked by passers-by in the Hague, Guangzhou, Sydney, San Francisco, Utrecht, Macao, not to mentioned L.A., San Diego and Hong Kong, where I have actually lived. I guess I blend in with the local population well. I don't know what it is but I'd like to believe that, as one of my Getty friend kindly suggested, I look like I had the answer.

Talking about NEW shoes

2011-01-17T22:41:00.004+08:00

Here are a pair even newer.

I got a new pair of shoes after two pairs of old ones, for lack of a better phrase, crumbled to dust. I think I've improved in my spending habit. I used to buy new shoes before my old ones had fallen apart.

Talking about shoes

2011-01-15T13:31:00.004+08:00

Talking about shoes, here are a pair of Flamenco shoes I just received from my Barcelona friend.

They're from Menkes. I LOVE them!

Shoes

2011-01-15T13:21:00.005+08:00

Two days, two pairs of BROKEN SNEAKERS???

If I were superstitious I would believe this is some sort of a sign.

I was too embarrassed and shocked when my sneakers for dance came apart on my feet I forgot to take a picture; this time I'm more calm. I wouldn't say I was expecting it (no one expects such a thing!) but I was not fretting as much.

So here it is.

These Nikes were in my favorite colors too.

I also found some other ones I doodled on myself years ago that I think deserve some recognition:

Jazz Funk +

2011-01-13T22:14:00.003+08:00

I just came back from Jazz Funk class (a first non-Flamenco dance class in more than three months) and it was exhilarating! It was like an aerobics or a Jazzercise but with a "real" combination and less repetition and "toning." I got a real workout and and have a chance to hone my techniques. I love it.

However, there was a small and somewhat embarrassing mishap, though. Before the lesson, I took out my long-neglected dance sneakers and put them on, only to find the soles of both shoes disintegrated. Yes, they just broke apart. I hurried up and cleaned the broken off pieces off the floor before anyone could see them. Lucky for my pack rat habit, I brought along my soft jazz shoes just in case since I didn't know what type of shoes to use and could finish the class without further incidents.

By the way, the "+" in the title means the class is for people above beginners level. Lucky I could keep up.

I'm also grateful that I don't like my dad's cooking. It's not bad, we don't get food poisoning or anything, but it's not what I like. However, it's good because this way I'm sure I won't over eat.

Order from above

2011-01-09T01:31:00.004+08:00

When I found out the amount of material used to make my costume for the flamenco show is double that of my classmate's, I thought, that's a good deal because we paid the same price for the fabric. When I looked at the pictures from the show afterward, I attributed my apparent heftiness to the fact that the camera adds ten pounds. But when my beloved little Mr. K said I would look even lovelier if I were slimmer, I didn't have to think twice.

I have never tried to really lose weight on purpose. The weight comes and goes seemingly out of my control.

Luckily, now I have found an exercise that I like. I'm taking dance class twice a week and hopefully I can go back to taking it three times a week soon. So the lack of activity is not a problem. I think the main thing for me now is to cut down on the unhealthful food. You don't know how convenient it is to find interesting cuisine that is probably bad for you on almost every street corner here unless you've lived in Hong Kong. What is good though is that the portion here is significantly smaller than those of the States'.

Also, I think the cold sore I have on the corner of my mouth can help, since now I can't open my mouth wide and have to cut my food into small pieces and eat slowly.

Oy, wish me luck.

I should be praying to this everyday.

2011-01-07T15:15:00.001+08:00

Now this is spirituality I can get behind.

http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.125762086.jpg

Impressive

2010-12-31T21:29:00.005+08:00

Here's a rather impressive Sevillanas video I found on YouTube. The remark said that it was a group of new students at a Flamenco school. However, they were so good I doubt that they were mere beginners.

Christmas Mall Decorations, '10, Cityplaza

2010-12-31T21:22:00.006+08:00

I know Christmas is over, but the New Year's holiday is so close to it many shopping malls in Hong Kong don't change their decorations until after that.

This is the Cityplaza in Taikoo Shing.

A stage is being set up for the performances during the holidays.

According to the sign, it was the a capella group from Yale.

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T21:12:00.004+08:00

2010 has been good to me, I can't complain.

I've been (back) to Holland and seen my beloved Mr. K again, and "escaped" one day prior to the eruption of the Icelandic Volcano, Eyjafjallajokull.

I have enrolled in the Master of Museum Studies program at university, and is one step closer to the career I aspire to.

I have started learning Flamenco, an activity that, eerily, made me feel happy. I swear I feel endorphins being released physically in my brain when I dance.

I have been a bridesmaid for the first time. Although I didn't particularly enjoy it at the time, I am glad I did it just for the experience.

I have resigned from a job I have mixed feelings about that I have been doing for four and a half years. It was a huge relieve.

May 2011 brings you new beginnings and opportunities. Happy New Year.

At the market

2010-12-30T14:17:00.002+08:00

I guess I have a stronger stomach than I thought. Yesterday, as I was walking pass a wet market, not only did I see whole dead pigs on meat hooks, but also HALF an eel floundering on the ground. I was shock and disgusted for a few seconds and then I went, "meh." I guess that's the carnivore's burden.

Christmas Mall Decorations, '10, Tsuen Wan

2010-12-24T20:49:00.004+08:00

Today's edition of Christmas mall decorations: Citywalk in Tsuen Wan and Tsuen Wan Plaza:

A stage is set up for performances tonight in Citywalk:

and also in Tsuen Wan Plaza:

The theme for Tsuen Wan Plaza is Moomin: